dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
