His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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