I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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