You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize