I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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