Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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