not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
