the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Randomize
