WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
