well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
