Already got asked if we're dating
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
