how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Be still, my beating vagina.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
