I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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