I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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