I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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