I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize