Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
is it fun? or sober?
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