Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
