People in love make me want to vomit
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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