You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
