My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
