A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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