Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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