we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
