I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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