whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
