My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
