You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
