Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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