Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
