I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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