dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
