HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
