is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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