Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
