I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
