I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
