You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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