I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
my liver is dry heaving
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
