Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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