I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
