Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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