My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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