They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
