His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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