Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
