So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
