So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if only i could text you this smell
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
