The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I touched a dick in church today
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
