Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
