New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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