Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need water and some morals
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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