Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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