Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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