No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
