yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
