She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
