I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
