I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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