I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
