Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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