Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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