Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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