my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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