I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
