I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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