The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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