...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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