brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
