my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
