I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
