Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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