and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
