everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
