I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
