oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He keeps bees of course he's weird
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
