he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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